‘Her worst crime is that she loves me’

I am torn between following my responsibility and my heart. I grew up in Vietnam knowing I would always follow in my father’s footsteps by marrying the daughter of one of his associates and becoming a partner in his business within the next 10 years. For the first 24 years of my life this was acceptable, it was in fact the only reality. Now everything has changed. I came to Sydney on exchange to finish my last 2 years at university. My parents said I needed to be educated about the world and see how lucky I am to have my life established for me.

It was believed that I would see the example of people wasting their lives in Sydney on drugs and fleeting pleasures and appreciate how hard my father has always made me work and the control needed to be successful. Instead I was accepted immediately by an amazing group of people and for the first time in my life I controlled my time, my money and I was able to choose who I was friends with without worrying about my parents disapproval. With them so far away it was easy to forget the life that has always been waiting for me and enjoy every moment of my life here in this wonderful country. I never questioned that I would return to my real life eventually, the duti-ful son earning his father’s approval by following his example completely.

My time in Sydney has been a dream with none of the history of my country and my family forcing me to act and think a certain way. My dream became even better when I met Anna on campus early last year. She is everything my parents would hate, she works at a bar, she loves to argue and has opinions about everything and she doesn’t know what she wants to be doing 10 minutes from now, let alone 10 years from now.

I know that her worst crime in my parent’s eyes is that she loves me.I didn’t realise how much I loved her in return until I received a letter from my parents two weeks ago containing a cheque for my final term of tuition at university and extra money to buy a ticket home at the end of July. Suddenly my time has run out and I have to wake up from my dream.

My time in Sydney has changed me and I am scared that I cannot go back to the world I once lived in and I can’t imagine being away from Anna. “My parents mean everything to me, but I worry that if I give up the life I have now I will never be happy and always wonder how my life could have otherwise turned out.”

I have not told Anna about my parents or their plan for me, only that I come from a very traditional Catholic Vietnamese family. I don’t think she will appreciate the difficulty I have in choosing whether to abandon the life I have always worked for and anticipated. I know it is selfish but a part of me isn’t sure her love is enough for me to give up my family and my future. I also do not want her to stay with me only out of guilt. How do I make this decision that I feel could change my life forever?