Allah has created men and women as company for one another, so that they can procreate and live in peace and tranquility according to the commandments of Allah and the directions of His Messenger. The Quran says: “And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts.
Undoubtedly in these are signs for those who reflect.” [Noble Quran 30:21] “And Allah has made for you your mates of your own nature, and made for you, out of them, sons and daughters and grandchildren, and provided for you sustenance of the best.” [Noble Quran 16:72].
These verses of the Holy Quran clearly show that Islam considers marriage as one of the most virtuous and approved institutions. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) declared: “Oh, you young men! Whoever is able to marry should marry, for that will help him to lower his gaze and guard his modesty.” Modesty was regarded as a great virtue by the Prophet. He said, “Modesty is part of faith.” The importance of the institution of marriage receives its greatest emphasis from the following Hadith of the Prophet, “Marriage is my sunnah. Whosoever keeps away from it is not from me.”
My name is Hafsat and I am a Yoruba Muslim woman married to a Northerner. I met my husband in Maiduguri when I went shopping in a supermarket. At that time, Maiduguri was very peaceful. It wasn’t the kind of violent place that it is now known for. While shopping at the supermarket, I had a lot of things on my mind. I was not concentrating on what I was doing because I was deep in thought about family matters. I didn’t even realize that I had lost concentration as I was walking until I knocked a man down by accident and all the stuff he was carrying fell to the floor. As we picked up his things, I apologized profusely and his eyes met mine and there was just a spark.
We held each other’s eyes for more than a few seconds and it was simply love at first sight. During our conversation, I found out that he was a Muslim like me and from a very responsible and popular Muslim family. He acted like a complete gentleman and a good Muslim that day. He told me that he would like to know me more intimately because his mind had told him that I was the one for him.
The chemistry between us was just perfect for a love that would last a lifetime. When he visited me at home, he was very respectful to my parents and he told them that he was asking for my hand in marriage. My parents were very glad to hear that a good man and a Muslim at that, was asking for my hand in marriage.
They put everything in the hands of Allah and told me to go and pray about it. I thought and prayed about it. To be sure of the kind of man I was going to marry, I started telling some Muslim brothers and sisters to advise me on the issue of marriage. After that I asked people who knew my man to tell me about the way he behaved. The result was positive. So I made up my mind to marry him. I wanted to marry a handsome, religious, kind, caring man with a good personality and a man who could take care of a wife.
And Hassan, my man, fit perfectly into the picture I had conjured in my mind. He also had a great body and was very fit and healthy. I was so happy that I had met a Muslim man of my dreams. And our unity of faith made me love him more. In fact, I noticed that Hassan loved Islam just as much as I did, and our mutual love for our religion brought us closer to each other. In spite of what some people may think about my religion, the consent of both the man and the women is an essential element of marriage, and the Quran gives women a substantial role in choosing their own life partners.
The Quran clearly states: “Do not prevent them from marrying their husbands when they agree between themselves in a lawful manner.” [Noble Quran 2:232] However, some of the great Imams of the Sunni schools of Islamic jurisprudence give a slightly stricter interpretation to this verse and make the choice of partner by a Muslim girl subject to the over-ruling power or ijbar of her father or guardian in the interests of the girl herself. However, to crown it all, Hassan had a good job and was perfectly capable of taking good care of me and our children to come in future.
Even though he wasn’t so much of a millionaire, he was comfortable enough to start a family. Marriage is forbidden (Haram) to a man, according to the Hanafi school, if he does not possess the means to maintain his wife and children or if he suffers from an illness, serious enough to affect his wife and progeny.
It is also not desirable (makruh) for a man who possesses no sexual desire at all or who has no love for children or who is sure to slacken in his religious obligations as a result of marriage. We got married two years ago and ever since, I’ve not had any cause to regret.
We have a baby boy. I believe that dreams come true because it happened to me. My husband is not too rich, but the most important thing to me is my peace of mind. I’m so glad that I finally found and married a man that gives me peace of mind. I advise spinsters to marry men that give them peace of mind, rather than placing too much emphasis on money.
Many Nigerian girls are not happy today because they went after money, instead of love. Happiness is the most important thing in marriage, regardless of whether the couple are rich or not. To this day, we still live in Maiduguri and God is protecting us from the hands of the terrorists.
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