Man and woman, during their wedding in the presence of the clergy, family and friends, vow to love each other ‘till death do us part’. The death of either of the partner is, thus, a natural divorce as it signifies the end of such a union. However, it seems that some traditions allow a marriage of the living and the dead. Such tradition, in Ebonyi State, has reunited a man with a dead wife whom he divorced years ago, when the woman was still alive.
In what sounds unbelievable but real, a man, Onyema Orji of Nwakpu village, Igbeagu community in Izzi Local Government Area of Ebonyi State, was recently forced to remarry a dead woman he had divorced while she was alive. This traditional exchange of marital vows with a dead woman was to enable him to claim their children. Orji officially married Blessing, his dead wife, during the burial ceremony.
Orji had married Blessing and the marriage produced children, including twins. They had both been happy together, sources said, until Orji divorced Blessing on the grounds that her mother was interfering in their marriage.
Blessing’s mother reportedly forced her to marry another man, which she did. She took the children she delivered for Orji to the second husband’s home in anger. She took this step to register her grievance at her sudden sacking by her former husband. Blessing did not give birth to any child in her second marriage and died after a brief illness.
After her death, Orji, the first husband, visited Blessing’s family and informed them of his intention to reclaim his children. His meeting with the deceased’s family reportedly ended in a deadlock as Blessing’s family did not allow him to go with his children. They insisted that he did not perform a vital part of the marriage rites on their daughter when he married her.
This rite, they said, would empower him to claim his children. Orji had vowed that no man would claim his children while he is alive and continued making preparations to take his children home. When he learnt of Blessing’s burial plan, he attended the ceremony. He came with some items for the burial and planned to take the children home after the ceremony. He got a shocker: Blessing’s relatives told him that he could participate in the burial.
They, however, reiterated that he could not claim the children Blessing had for him as he did not conclude the traditional marriage rites on their daughter that would grant him possession of the children. Wait for this: Orji was told he had to wed their dead daughter if he wanted to take his children home! He was given a list of items he would provide for the marriage rite. He agreed and got them immediately.
They performed the traditional marriage rites and rewedded Orji and the deceased who was lying motionless inside a casket, awaiting burial. He was subsequently allowed to take the children home. A member of the community, Oroke Michael, told Sunday Telegraph that Blessing’s family took that decision to protect their dignity and retaliate what Orji did to their daughter by sending her packing.
His said, “The deceased’s family knew why they compelled Onyema Orji to perform marriage rites on Blessing, which ordinarily would have happened when she was alive. It could be to teach him a lesson of his life or to protect the dignity of their family.
“Don’t forget that he had divorced Blessing, claiming that she was advised by her mother to be maltreating him. So, the family may have been waiting for him to pay him back dearly for sacking their daughter. They knew Onyema would definitely come for the children and waited for that moment. To bear children these days is very difficult and no reasonable human being will bear a child, let alone some children, and abandon the child or children.
That could have made Orji to come for his children on hearing that their mother had died. “But I must advise that parents should stop interfering in their sons and daughters’ marriages, especially if their marriages are peaceful. It can cause crisis in the marriage which may eventually result to divorce of this nature.
Parents should rather serve as mediators, rather than spoilers in their children’s marriages. If the late Blessing’s mother actually interfered in her marriage, it is condemnable.
However, that shouldn’t have made the man to divorce his wife. “Husbands, on the other hand, should learn to endure things and that is why they are called ‘Di’ in Igbo land, meaning patience. They should know how to manage any problem in their marriage so as not to make mistakes. I can call this particular one a mistake.
What if Orji had lost the children to Blessing’s second husband who might have fulfilled all necessary marriage rites on her to be qualified to claim those children because that is the culture in many Igbo towns?” To Ekene Nwancho, Onyema Orji was even treated fairly by Blessing’s relatives. He asked rhetorically, “How can you fail to settle all marriage rites on your wife and divorce her on an unfounded fact that the mother was interfering in your marriage?
Who knows whether he even did common introduction to inform the deceased’s family that he wanted to marry their daughter? “I think this is a common practice in many parts of this country. You will just meet a girl on the road and it becomes a marriage without at least going to see the parents to inform them of your intention to marry their daughter. What if the girl dies during pregnancy as witnessed in some of these risks people take because it is a risk as far as I’m concerned? Will you tell the parents what happened to their children? “Today, it is common to see people calling themselves husbands and wives when their parents are not aware of their marriage – no wine carrying, at least, to inform parents and relatives of a girl that you want to marry the girl.
All you will see is sudden pregnancy and that becomes a marriage. At times, when the man decides to visit the parents of the so-called wife as regards the marriage rites, it will just be for formality sake and that is why marriage is no longer honourable these days. It was not like this before. “Even some parents always waive marriage rites on their daughter(s) for the man because their child is already pregnant for the man or has given birth to a child.
That is why their daughter is not usually treated with respect in the house of the man. After all, no bride price was paid on the girl nor wine taken to the parents to inform them of the interest in their daughter. That is why the girl or woman can be divorced by the man, like what we witnessed in our area, because the vital part of the girl or lady has been taken by the man and the relationship is now seen as a taboo.”
A stakeholder in the area, who did not want his name in print, said the family of the late Blessing had been waiting for Orji. They had not forgiven him for sending back their daughter to them on the flimsy excuse that the mother was interfering in their marriage. He said, “In my own understanding, the deceased’s family members were not happy that Orji divorced their daughter, especially when he did not perform the vital aspect of marriage rites on Blessing. They decided to keep calm and waited for when he would come for the children. They believed he would definitely come for those children as no man would like to forfeit his blood relations to another man.
So, they actually knew he would come for the children and therefore waited patiently. “So, when that opportunity presented itself, they pinned him down by mandat-ing him to properly marry Blessing before claiming the children. Whether he spent double, more than he was supposed to have spent if he had married the deceased legally while alive, no one could tell. In such a situation, one could be forced to pay for so many things he ought not to paid for, in order to be free from the precarious situation he was forced into.
“I think it is all about understanding. Some reasonable parents these days don’t bother much about the marriage rites on their daughters, especially when it requires much expenses.
This is more so when they know that the man will properly take care of their daughter. All such parents do is take few things from the man as regards the marriage rites and bless the man and their daughter for a fruitful marriage. But it is regrettable that some men always abuse this privilege. I wouldn’t know if that was what played out in the case of Orji and Blessing. “Some men who are lucky to get such in-laws don’t value their wives and the in-laws because they got their daughters almost for free.
That is what we see today, which has become a societal problem. Some parents don’t even question their daughters when they see them with men in their houses as boyfriends or whatever they call themselves; provided their daughter is getting money from the man. This usually occurs in a family that has a high poverty level.
“Before you know it, the girl is already pregnant and that is how marriage is consummated; no official introduction that you want to marry their daughter, no other marriage rites and they will allow you to be the husband of their daughter so far as the girl is getting something from you to cater for their needs. The man and the girl’s parents will be enjoying a good relationship without anybody knowing it. You can only discover this when there is a problem; may be the girl was sent packing by the man like this one.’’
Remarrying a dead spouse is scary and must have spiritual implications for the living. Secretary General of the Christian Association of Nigeria, Rev. Musah Asake, described the practice as unChristian and something that should not be mentioned among Christians. “It should be left to traditionalists.
The man should put his feet down and declare his stand as a Christian rather than go back to such a traditional practice or culture,” he said.
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